sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well most of my day revolves around power hour
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just high enough for therapy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
