I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How's work?
Spinning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
