Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
