She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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