Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize