You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
