I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
