I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
