Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
