I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The ass gains better be worth it
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