Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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