I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
