so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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