It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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