all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
