a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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