Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
