Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
