oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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