So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize