Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
