I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
