I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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