just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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