He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
