just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
