No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
did you just send me my own nude
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
