so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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