Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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