Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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