I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
