Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
