The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
