I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
