I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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