Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
