Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
