I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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