This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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