hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
