We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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