I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
