yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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