No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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