He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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