Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
