He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
