mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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