I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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