i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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