So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need a beard to bite.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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