4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize