Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
