Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
