I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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