i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
