The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
