I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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