Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
