All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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