why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
