can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
