Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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