She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
