I bet he comes in French.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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