I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
