Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
