Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
