i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
