I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
