we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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