4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
