Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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