We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
