I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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