Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
