people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
